I will outline two separate scenarios in which I acquired the Red Lobster. In one scenario the means of acquisition will be strictly legitimate and fiduciary; inheritance or purchasing. The second scenario outlines a scene in which I am gifted the Red Lobster through mystical means i.e. a genie (maybe not a genie because their mischief is unpredictable and it would take too long to describe the selections for my other two wishes.) or some sort of magical contract. Likely written in dragons blood (obviously to provide some kind of mystical binder of insurance to my ownership of the Red Lobster.)

Scenarios in which the Red Lobster was acquired by mystical means (but not likely a Genie) will be marked with an asterisk and written in a separate color*

Firstly, I will ensure that all the typical furnishings of a standard Red Lobster are present. There’s a contemporary north eastern Americana style to the interior of a Red Lobster (think exposed beams and sailing paraphernalia.) I would ensure after the purchase that all of this has remained constant and consistent in order to deliver the classic Red Lobster experience to my patrons.

** Firstly, I would have to spend some time processing the existence of magic. As a young boy I was treated very unfairly (in this world) for my belief that a dragon wizard may provide me with a contractual obligation to operate one of my uncle’s favorite restaurants. (I’m assuming because this is a parallel universe and real me is typically ahead of the curb like this too, like I knew Tesla was gonna be big. I didn’t buy any stock or anything but I just like definitely knew.) I would spend some time speaking to a therapist with a fairly thinly veiled code as to not arouse suspicion to ensure that if the dragon blood contract has any sort of Wizard HPPA rules I’m not violating them.

Secondly, acquiring a staff is important. I would list open hirings and offer a very competitive schedule; in order to let my employees know that their work is very important to me. Darden offers competitive benefits for full time employees as well which is not a consistent theme in the hospitality world. It opens the door for more people to work comfortably at my store in that they may continue to survive so they can work in my store.

** Secondly, after it feels like the understanding of magic is fully integrated into my life. I would enter the Red Lobster with a flashlight and my handcrafted Senchu Era Katana replica. The man who sold me the Katana at the mall did guarantee that a dark aura was shrouded over the katana after its construction to provide it warding abilities. I would sweep the Red Lobster for any mythical assailants. There may be one or maybe two goblins, and I would like to say that my backyard training has provided me with adequate goblin slaying abilities. But in earnest I think I would be much more afraid when faced with the real thing. Alongside that, I was vegetarian for two years. The idea of slaying a foul beast is a difficult one for me to take into consideration. I believe after I have slain the first of the two goblins, I may begin to sob. This will put me at a disadvantage for the next battle as my mobility will be impaired. However, I did spend one afternoon of my backyard training dodging the rocks thrown by the neighborhood kids while I was sobbing. I think his advantage and my disadvantage would cancel out. I would certainly beat and dispose of the second goblin as well.

Assuming I have acquired a diverse and Lobster-passionate staff (the negative form of this will be called Lobstinate I.e. “You are being Lobstinste right now.”) we will begin training based on Darden’s comprehensive hospitality training programs, and ensure that the monolithic service standards of Red Lobster are delivered consistently through my location as well.

**Thirdly, I would consume (with caution) any of the live lobsters in the tank. This will certainly provide me with magical abilities, I am assuming something along the lines of water or gravity magic. As lobsters are sea creatures but also know for their skills in anti-gravity.

We would begin with a soft opening, in which we assume regular service without much advertising. We will do this to troubleshoot any inefficiencies in our dining experience. We would follow up the next with our real Grand opening, inviting and encouraging the local community to participate and join us for our first week of service.

** Fourthly, given my newfound wizard abilities I would have to undergo a six fortnight vow of silence. The craft of magic is a very difficult one and requires tremendous discipline to master. Any distractions from the outside world could lead to straying from the path of knowledge and into a path of darkness. The opening of the Red Lobster acquired by mystical means would have to be delayed by about six months.

The first month of a business is usually one of the toughest but as long as the location is correct and we are receiving consistent visitors we should be operating slightly above the green as far as profit is considered. This ideally will continue to grow as our margin of error in food cost, guest comps and our guest count all become more beneficial in the winter months.

*fifthly, as a now powerful gravity and or fire wizard I can follow scenarios 1-5 of the Red Lobster acquired by financial means.